Part 2 of 6: Embodying the Parent You Want to Be - Setting Your Intention
A 6 part series for queer parents (and prospective parents) who love their kids so fiercely, they refuse to settle for a family where there are conditions on love, support, and belonging.
In the last post, I introduced The Alignment Practice™ Framework—a structured process to help you move through parenting challenges, big decisions, and those tricky moments when you feel like the parent you want to be and the parent you’re actually being are in conflict.
I asked you to think of a challenge, inner conflict, big decision or question —something that feels heavy, complicated, or unresolved.
If you haven’t yet, take a moment now.
Because while The Alignment Practice™ Framework is designed to help you navigate parenting challenges, big decisions, and everyday tensions, it’s really about something deeper—building alignment as a skill you can rely on.
So that even in the most stressful, high-stakes moments—when emotions run high and the pressure feels intense—you can trust yourself to show up in ways that reflect your values.
The framework has two core parts:
✅ The Clarity Roadmap → Helps you unpack the real issue beneath the challenge (because the obvious problem is almost never the real problem).
✅ PAVE → Anchors your insights and keeps your clarity accessible—so alignment becomes second nature, even in the messy, high-stakes moments.
Today’s post is the first step in the Clarity Roadmap—and it starts by learning how to shift from reacting to intentionally creating what you actually want.
The Problem is an Opportunity to Connect to Your Values
Most people approach parenting (and life!) challenges by focusing on what they don’t want—avoiding conflict, preventing mistakes, eliminating discomfort. But when we make decisions only to avoid something, we stay in reactive mode—constantly managing risks and avoiding disappointment instead of intentionally creating what we actually want. Instead of seeing the challenge as a problem to fix, what if you saw it as a mirror reflecting what truly matters to you?
The Shift: Moving From Avoidance to Intention
Instead of: “Should I correct the daycare teacher when they assume my spouse is ‘husband’?”
✔ Ask: “How do I model for my child that their family is something to be proud of?”
Instead of: “Should I confront my parents for always introducing my partner as my ‘friend’?”
✔ Ask: “How can I assert my family’s legitimacy in a way that strengthens our sense of belonging?”
Instead of: “How do I make sure my kid never experiences the same shame I did?”
✔ Ask: “What daily moments can I create where my child feels fully seen, loved, and celebrated?”
Making It Tangible: What’s Within Your Control?
Once you define what you do want, the next step is making sure it’s 100% within your control.
🚫 “I want my parents to love me unconditionally.” (Not in your control!)
🚫 “I want my siblings to stop questioning my parenting.” (Still about other people’s actions!)
✔ “I want to nurture confidence in my parenting decisions.”
✔ “I want to cultivate unconditional love within myself and within my family.”
This shift changes everything. Now, instead of feeling like clarity is outside of you—waiting for external validation or permission—you’re anchored in **your own vision and values.**And when you operate from that place, your choices become clearer. And you don’t have to wait for some future moment to feel the impact of this.
Even right now, you can do something as simple as:
✔ If you want to raise your child with pride, pick up a book celebrating LGBTQ+ families and read it to them tonight.
✔ If you want to create meaningful traditions, set aside time this weekend to brainstorm ones that reflect your values.
✔ If you value belonging, reach out to a friend or chosen family member and plan a moment of connection.
This is truly your opportunity redefine success as a parent, and that can change everything.
So take a moment now to reflect on your challenge, what you want, and what is one way you can nurture what you want, this week - with or without solving your whole problem yet.
Next Up: Why It Still Feels Hard
Of course, even when you know what you want, decisions, challenges, questions - especially big, high stakes ones, will feel heavy. But we can lighten them and give you more awareness. The the next two posts, I’ll walk you through the five hidden tensions that make parenting choices feel so loaded—and how to move through them with confidence.
P.S. Learning how to set a clear intention is the first step. But here’s the thing: intention alone isn’t enough—you also need to know what’s pulling you away from that intention.
Inside The Lab, you’ll learn how to combine intention with consciousness—through training, practice, and refinement through feedback—so that you master the SKILL of alignment. Not just learn the concept.
And when you master the skill of alignment…
✨ You can cherish the ordinary magic—the way they light up when they see you, the messy art projects, the sleepy murmurs of “one more story.”
✨ And in those big moments—the challenging conversations, the hard decisions, the questions that feel heavy—you’ll know how to show up with clarity and confidence, shaping their lifelong sense of belonging for the better.
✨🌈TL;DR:
When parenting challenges arise, it’s easy to focus on what you don’t want—avoiding conflict, mistakes, or discomfort. But true alignment comes from shifting your focus to what you do want—the values, experiences, and connections you want to nurture in your family. By defining outcomes that are within your control, you anchor yourself in clarity rather than waiting for validation or change from others. This shift allows you to take meaningful steps right now —so that you’re immediately living more in alignment with your values, even before the bigger challenge is fully resolved.