Part 6 of 6: Embodying the Parent You Want to Be - Why Parenting Challenges Feel So Heavy
A 6 part series for queer parents (and prospective parents) who love their kids so fiercely, they refuse to settle for a family where there are conditions on love, support, and belonging.
By now, you’ve seen how parenting challenges, big decisions, and moments of inner conflict aren’t just about what’s happening on the surface.
They’re shaped by 5 hidden tensions—like competing values, exaggerated fears, and unquestioned assumptions—that quietly pull you away from your values without you even realizing it.
You’ve also seen how EXPANDING your perspective can help you uncover new possibilities—so you’re no longer stuck between two bad options or forcing yourself to accept beliefs that don’t actually feel true.
But here’s the thing:
Even the biggest “aha” moments don’t automatically change how you act.
Because knowing what’s true for you—and even believing in that truth—doesn’t mean your old patterns just disappear.
That’s where the second part of The Alignment Practice™ Framework comes in: PAVE.
PAVE is what turns your insights into action. It’s what keeps your values accessible and anchors new patterns until they become second nature.
If EXPAND gives you new ways of seeing, PAVE gives you a way of showing up.
And when you combine them? That’s when alignment becomes a skill you can trust—even when emotions are high, stakes are big, or you’re feeling overwhelmed.
To ensure that patterns of people pleasing, perfectionism, and parent guilt don’t stop us from acting in alignment with our deepest values - we have the PAVE framework.
PAVE: The Anchor That Keeps You Grounded in Your Insights
PAVE helps you take what you’ve uncovered and actually integrate it into your life. So you can practice living in your values every day.
Example: Let’s say you realize through the Clarity Roadmap that you struggle to set boundaries because deep down, you associate saying no with being unkind. That’s a powerful insight—but if you don’t have a way to hold onto it and apply it in real time, it stays just that: an insight.
Without PAVE, you might remember this when reflecting later, but in the moment—when a family member oversteps or your co-parent assumes you’ll handle everything—you’ll fall back on your old habit of saying yes and justifying it later.
With PAVE:
✔ You distill the insight: “Saying no isn’t unkind; it’s how I honor my values.”
✔ You anchor a new thought: “If I want to build a family culture of respect, I need to model it myself.”
✔ You choose a micro-shift: “The next time I feel pressure to say yes, I will pause, check in, and practice saying, ‘I need some time to decide if I can take that on right now - can I get back to you later this week?”
The more you use PAVE, the more this new pattern becomes second nature. Instead of defaulting to people-pleasing, you start responding in a way that aligns with your values—until one day, you realize you no longer have to think about it. It’s just how you show up.
And the more you actively engage with the Alignment Practice™ Framework - the Clarity Roadmap and PAVE? You start to see other patterns more clearly, too. Once you’ve rewired one old habit into alignment, it’s easier to identify, shift, and integrate the next one—whether it’s trusting yourself more, letting go of guilt, or handling difficult conversations with confidence.
PAVE turns insights into autopilot alignment.
OK so what is next?
Over the past few posts, we’ve explored why parenting decisions, big questions, and challenging moments often feel so heavy.
You’ve learned that these moments aren’t just about the surface problem—they’re shaped by:
✅ Hidden tensions that pull you away from your values
✅ Unquestioned assumptions that quietly limit your options
✅ Emotional resistance that makes follow-through feel hard
You’ve also seen how EXPANDING your perspective can unlock new possibilities—and how PAVE helps turn those insights into habits you can trust, even in high-stress moments.
Alignment is about making sure your automatic responses don’t betray your values.
💡 And every parenting challenge—big or small—is an invitation:
A chance to decide what gets carried forward, what gets reshaped, and what ends with you. It’s about building a skill that allows you to show up intentionally—even when life is messy, chaotic, or uncertain.
And as we have established, alignment is a skill.
Training → So you can see what’s pulling you off track
Practice → So you can apply those insights in real time
Refinement → So you can get feedback, shift patterns, and build alignment into your everyday life
And that is exactly what The Lab offers.
And if you still aren’t sure if the APF or Lab is right for you, take a behind-the-scenes tour and watch the 25-minute overview of the APF in detail —free. See exactly how The Alignment Practice™ Lab works and whether it’s the right fit for you. Plus 50+ ways to use the Lab! Or reach out and ask me about it!
✨🌈TL;DR:
Awareness and insight alone don’t automatically change how you show up as a parent. That’s where PAVE comes in—the second part of The Alignment Practice™ Framework. While EXPAND helps you see new possibilities, PAVE anchors those insights and turns them into patterns you can trust—even in stressful, high-stakes moments. By distilling your insights, anchoring new thoughts, and practicing small shifts, PAVE helps you close the gap between your values and your automatic responses. Over time, alignment becomes second nature—allowing you to show up with clarity, confidence, and intention in your parenting, no matter what life throws your way. The Alignment Practice™ Lab is where you can learn, refine, and practice these skills— when you master the skill of alignment, living in your values becomes autopilot.